


dear lord, when i get to heaven

by hazelpeach



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Dreams, Dreamscapes, Fantasizing, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Mike Hanlon Deserves Love, Pining, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Sad and Sweet, also self indulgent kinda, this is super angsty i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23692873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelpeach/pseuds/hazelpeach
Summary: - please let me bring my man.Mike knows he's dreaming-Stanley's dead. He's gone. He knows this. But for a moment, it feels so real.
Relationships: Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	dear lord, when i get to heaven

It _feels_ so real. 

Mike can't stop himself from staring. Stanley stares back, softly, a small smile spreading across his face. Mike nearly tears up at this. He walks forward, reaching his hand out, not expecting Stanley to nuzzle his head right into his palm. It's just a moment of them _staring_ at each other. No words. They don't need any. Mike knows he's dreaming-Stanley's _dead_. He's _gone_. He knows this. But for a moment, it feels so real.

"I love you, Stanley Uris."

He always has. He knew it ever since they were kids. Ever since he laid eyes on him there was some emotion he couldn't describe. Something he had never felt before. He wasn't always comfortable with it. It scared him. It always did. He remembered lying on the grass with Stanley after the rock war-just looking up at the sky. There was no words exchanged, but the emotions spreading over them was more than enough. Stanley always took up for him, and he returned it every chance he got. 

He would often find himself in his room, listening to Nat King Cole and daydreaming about the boy. Dancing, petting, and holding his sheep-thinking of Stanley. He never knew it was love. He never knew it was romance. He never knew he was yearning so incredibly. His father and everyone around him thought _such a thing_ was _unnatural_ and _disturbing_. He knew it was wrong. He knew he was disobeying what he was taught. But it was what he _felt_. It felt so intense and incredible and wonderful and overwhelming. This feeling he felt towards _another boy_. This one time, it _truly_ hit him.

"What are we, a bunch of fags?" Richie mumbled, kicking a rock in front of him. Eddie hit his arm roughly, not for the language, but the insult. In the process, he tripped, landing face first in the dirt. Richie saw this, laughed up a storm, and started kicking dirt on him. The smaller boy started yelling, picking up a rock and throwing it up at him before picking himself back up again. Despite the ruckus, Richie's words kept swarming Mike's mind.

"Hey-Rich is a fucking asshole," Beverly shrugged, laughing it off once they were in Mike's room. "He says shit like that all the time. Why'd it get you so bad, man?"

Mike shrugs. This isn't the time for a _coming out story_ -he needs to clear his head. "It's... nothing. Just don't like the word. It's mean." She laughs at this. Not in a rude way, but in an understanding one. "Yeah, yeah I get it. Hey, I'll make him shut up next time, yeah?" She says, lifting up her fist in a threatening motion.

When Beverly got the call from Stan's _wif_ _e_ that he was dead-Mike didn't know how to feel. All the feelings he had resurfaced at once, piling in his mind, thinking of as many excuses as possible. _He can't be dead. He wouldn't leave us._ He... _couldn't_ leave them like that.

"I always have."

Mike's eyes are filled with love. Stanley's fictional ones stare back at him with nothing in return. It makes him choke up. The realization that he's truly _gone_ has already hit him-but it _keeps_ hitting him _over_ and _over_ again until he's beaten into the ground. The pain churns his heart in his chest, clutching onto something that's not there. Tears flow down his face, streaming like a waterfall as he stares at his first love. His true love. His last love. His only love.

He leans forward, pressing his lips to Stanley's. They're almost cold-but with the pure willpower of his imagination they turn warm. It's passionate and intense. He's been harboring it for _so long_. When he finally lets go, he can't bring himself to open his eyes. 

When he wakes up, the realization hits him again, but it's not as hard this time.


End file.
